Here at All Things Boat, we try to keep things light.
Part of keeping things light involves telling salty, nautical jokes.
Here, in no particular order are some of our favorite boat jokes.
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they often spend years at C !!
A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined.
The doctor says: “They’re benign.”
The pirate replies: “No, no doc, they be 11. I counted them this morning.”
Q: How do ye turn a pirate furious?
A: Take away the ‘p’.
Q: Why is pirating so addictive?
A: They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
Q: What kind of a ship is most feared by pirates?
A: The Steady Relationship.
A few more nautical jokes…
Q: What’s the King of Russia’s favorite fish?
A: Tsardines
Q: What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
A: The Codfather
Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because he saw the boat’s bottom.
Q: Why is a fish easy to weigh?
A: Because it has its own scales.
Man: Is this river any good for fish?
Fisherman: It must be. I can’t get any of them to leave it.
Give a man fish…feed him for a day!
Teach a man to fish…confuse him for a life time!
Remember, all fishermen are liars except for me and you. . . . and I’m not so sure about you.
Guy at bar: My wife has just sailed to the Caribbean.
Bartender: Jamaica?
Guy at bar: No, she wanted to!
Two sailors meet each other on a pier. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk.
One points to his foot and says; “Pearl Harbor, World War II!”
The other points down at his shoe and says; “Seagull crap, 20 feet back!”
Breaking News:
A ship carrying a cargo of Yo-Yos, bound for San Francisco fromHong Kong, was hit by a typhoon.
The boat sank twenty-three times.
A Harbor Seal goes into a bar and requested a drink.
When the bar tender asked what kind, the seal responded,
“Any kind, as long as its not Canadian Club!
One beautiful summer morning, a fellow employee phoned into work.
Here is what was said.
“Hello Mike, I’m not feeling very well. You’re going to have to mark me on sick leave today… OVER.”
Want to see some funny boat names? Here’s a great list.
Also, if you are looking for more sea-faring boating jokes, check out this page.
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